"Daddy, what does FORMATTING DRIVE C mean?"
"E=Mc^5...nahhh...E=Mc^4...nahh...E=Mc^3...ah, the hell with it."
"Virtual" means never knowing where your next byte is coming from.
REALITY.SYS Corrupted - Unable to recover Universe
:-) :-> ;-) :)  "Smilies everyone, Smilies"  Mr.Rourke
A bug in the code is worth two in the documentation.
A bug in the hand is better than one as yet undetected.
A computer program does what you tell it to do, not what you want it to do.
A computer scientist is someone who fixes things that aren't broken.
A computer's attention span is only as long as its extension cord.
A fault tolerant system must report the faults even as it tolerates them.
A hacker does for love what others would not do for money. 
A paperless office has about as much chance as a paperless bathroom.
A)bort, R)etry or S)elf-destruct?
A)bort, R)etry, I)gnore, V)alium?
A)bort, R)etry, I)nfluence with large hammer.
A)bort, R)etry, P)ee in drive door
AAAAAA - American Association Against Acronym Abuse Anonymous
APATHY ERROR:  Don't bother striking any key.
APL is a write-only language.  - Roy Keir
Abstraction is achieved by data hiding and enforced by encapsulation.
Advanced design: Upper management doesn't understand it.
After a number of decimal places, nobody gives a damn.
All computers run at the same speed...with the power off.
All new: The software is not compatible with previous versions.
All programmers are playwrights and all computers are lousy actors.
All the simple programs have been written, and all the good names taken.
An elephant is a mouse with an operating system.
And on the seventh day, He exited from append mode.
Another megabytes the dust.
Any given program will expand to fill available memory.
Any nitwit can understand computers.  Many do. 
Any program that runs right is obsolete.
Any programming language is at its best before it is implemented and used.
Artificial Intelligence:  Making computers behave like they do in the movies.
As far as we know, our computer has never had an undetected error.
As of next week, passwords will be entered in Morse code.
Asking if computers can think is like asking if submarines can swim.
Asking whether machines can think is like asking whether submarines can swim.
BASIC is to computer programming as QWERTY is to typing. 
BREAKFAST.COM halted... cereal port not responding!
Backup not found: A)bort, R)etry, M)assive heart failure?
Bad command or file name.  Go stand in the corner.
Bad style destroys an otherwise superb program.
Brain fried; core dumped.
Breakthrough: It finally booted on the first try.
Breakthrough: It nearly booted on the first try.
Bug?  That's not a bug, that's a feature.
C:\GRAPHICS\GIF\NAUGHTY\FILTHY\DISGUSTING\WOW!
CCITT - Can't Conceive Intelligent Thoughts Today
CChheecckk yyoouurr dduupplleexx sswwiittcchh..
Choose variable names that will not be confused.
Close your eyes and press escape three times.
Compatible: Gracefully accepts erroneous data from any source.
Computer Science: solving today's problems tomorrow.
Congratulations!  You are the one-millionth user to log into our system.
Customer: A primitive life form at the bottom of the food chain.
DYNAMIC LINKING ERROR: Your mistake is now everywhere.
Death is a nonmaskable interrupt.
Debugger: A tool that substitutes afterthought for forethought.
Design simplicity: It was developed on a shoe-string budget.
Design: The activity of preparing for a design review.
Diagnostics are the programs that run when nothing else will.
Disc space, the final frontier!
Do files get embarrassed when they get unzipped?
Do you like me for my brain or my baud?
Document code?  Why do you think they call it "code?"
Don't comment or patch bad code; rewrite it.
Don't document the program; program the document.
Don't hit the keys so hard, it hurts.
Dreams are free, but you get soaked on the connect time.
EBCDIC: Erase, Back up, Chew Disk, Ignite Card
Every bug you find is the last one.
Every program is a part of some other program, and rarely fits.
Every program is either trivial or it contains at least one bug.
Hardware: The parts of a computer system that can be kicked.
Help!  I'm trapped in a Chinese computer factory!
Hex dump:  Where witches put used curses...
Honey, I Formatted the Kid!
I am a computer, dumber than any human and smarter than an administrator.
I am the computer your mother warned you about.
I came, I saw, I deleted all your files.
I haven't lost my mind; it's backed up on tape somewhere.
I used to have a life, then I got v32bis!
I'm a modemer and I'm OK.  I post all night and I sleep all day.
I'm not a sysop, I just play one on the echoes.
If God had intended Man to program, we would be born with serial I/O ports.
If at first you don't succeed, call it version 1.0
If only women came with pull-down menus and online help.
Implementation is the sincerest form of flattery.
In computer science, we stand on each other's feet.
Is reading in the bathroom considered Multi-Tasking?
It is easier to change the specification to fit the program than vice versa.
It is easier to write an incorrect program than understand a correct one.
It is now pitch dark.  If you proceed, you will likely fall into a pit.
It said, "Insert disk #3," but only two will fit!
Kiss your keyboard goodbye!
Last one out, turn off the computer!
Let the machine do the dirty work.  - Elements of Programming Style
Logic is neither an art or a science but a dodge.
Logic:   The art of being wrong with confidence...
Maintenance-free:  When it breaks, it can't be fixed...
Manual Writer's Creed:  Garbage in, gospel out.
Me and my two friends... GIF and JPG
Memory dump:  Amnesia...
Mommy!  The cursor's winking at me!
Multitasking:  Screwing up several things at once...
My Go this  amn keyboar  oesn't have any  's.
My computer isn't that nervous, it's just a bit ANSI.
My mail reader can beat up your mail reader.
Never put off till run-time what you can do at compile-time.  
Never test for an error condition you don't know how to handle.  
Never write software that anthropomorphizes the machine.
Never write software that patronizes the user.
New: It comes in different colors from the previous version.
No program done by a hacker will work unless he is on the system.
Nostalgia:  The good old days multiplied by a bad memory...
Old mail has arrived.
Old programmers never die; they just branch to a new address.
On a clear disk you can seek forever. 
One man's constant is another man's variable.  
People who deal with bits should expect to get bitten.  
Performance proven: It works through beta test.
Portable:  Survives system reboot.
Press [ESC] to detonate or any other key to explode.
Programmers do it bit by bit.
Programming Department:  Mistakes made while you wait.
Programming is an art form that fights back.
Programming is an unnatural act.
Programming just with goto's is like swatting flies with a sledgehammer.
Programs: What software used to be, back when we knew how to write it.
Protect your software at all costs; all else is meat.
Random access is the optimum of the mass storages.
Real programmers use: COPY CON PROGRAM.EXE
Remember the good old days, when CPU was singular?
Stack Overflow:  Too many pancakes...
Sure it's user-friendly...if you know what you're doing.
System going down at 1:45 for disk crashing.
System going down at 5 pm to install scheduler bug.
Terminal glare:  A look that kills...
That does not compute.
The computer is the Proteus of machines.  - Seymour Papert
The generation of random numbers is too important to be left to chance.
The less time planning, the more time programming.
The moving cursor prints, and having printed, blinks on.
The next generation of computers will have a "Warranty Expired" interrupt.
The program is absolutely right; therefore the computer must be wrong.
The world will end in 5 minutes.  Please log out.
There are always at least two ways to program the same thing.
There are never any bugs you haven't found yet.
There must be more to life than compile-and-go.
This BBS is ancient.  Some say from the echocene.
This message transmitted on 100% recycled electrons.
This system will self-destruct in five minutes.
To be, or not to be, those are the parameters.
To define recursion, we must first define recursion.
To err is human; to forgive, beyond the scope of the Operating System.
To err is human; to really foul things up requires a computer.
To iterate is human; to recurse, divine.
Try not to let implementation details sneak into design documents.
USER ERROR: replace user and press any key to continue.
Unprecedented performance:  Nothing ever ran this slow before.
Use free-form input where possible.
User: A harmless drudge.
Virus detected!  P)our chicken soup on motherboard?
Volume in Drive C:  TOO_LOUD!
WOMAN.ZIP:  Great Shareware, but be careful of viruses...
WOMEN.ZIP:  A great program, but it doesn't come with documentation...
Was that your girl friend I saw in that GIF?
Watch out for off-by-one errors.
What do computer engineers use for birth control?  Their personalities.
Years of development: We finally got one to work.
You can't go home again, unless you set $HOME.
You can't make a program without broken egos.
You had mail, but the super-user read it, and deleted it!
You have a tendency to feel you are superior to most computers.
You have junk mail.
You know it is going to be a bad day when you forget your new password.
You might have mail.
You never finish a program, you just stop working on it.
Your e-mail has been returned due to insufficient voltage
Your fault, core dumped.
Your password is pitifully obvious.
ZAP! Process discontinued. Enter any 12-digit prime number to resume.
ZMODEM:  Big bits, Soft blocks, Tighter ASCII...
[If you can't hear me, it's because I'm in parentheses]